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Boundaries Face to Face: How to Have That Difficult Conversation You've Been Avoiding | 
 enlarge | Authors: Henry Cloud, John Townsend
Publisher: Zondervan
Category: Book
List Price: $22.99
Buy Used: $3.93
You Save: $19.06 (83%)
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Rating:  5 reviews
Sales Rank: 198757
Media: Hardcover
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 272
Shipping Weight (lbs): 1.1
Dimensions (in): 9.3 x 6.2 x 1
ISBN: 0310221528
Dewey Decimal Number: 158.2
UPC: 025986221522
EAN: 9780310221524
ASIN: 0310221528
Publication Date: October 1, 2003
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
Shipping: Expedited shipping available
Shipping: International shipping available
Condition: Standard used condition.
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Product Description
A practical handbook on positive confrontation by the authors of the award-winning and best-selling Boundaries.
Successful people confront well. They know that setting healthy boundaries improves relationships. They have discovered that uncomfortable—even dangerous—situations can often be avoided or resolved through direct conversation. But most of us don’t know how to go about having difficult conversations. We see confrontation as scary or adversarial. We’re afraid to ask a boss for a raise or talk to a relative about a drinking problem, or even address a relational conflict with a spouse or someone we are dating.
In Boundaries Face to Face authors Cloud and Townsend take the principles from their best-selling book Boundaries and apply them to a variety of the most common difficult situations and relationships.
• Explains why confrontation is essential in all arenas of life
• Shows how healthy confrontation can improve relationships
• Presents the essentials of a good boundary-setting conversation
• Provides tips on how to prepare for the conversation
• Shows how to tell people what you want, how to stop bad behavior, and how to deal with counterattack
• Gives actual examples of conversations to have with your spouse, your date, your kids, your coworker, your boss, your parents, and more
From the Book
Sometimes people get confused in a confrontation because the other person gets them off track. If that happens, remember this formula.
Empathize with their feelings or position, and return to your issue.
Here’s an example.
Joe: “I can’t believe you were offended by my comments. You joke around more than anyone here. That’s pretty hypocritical.”
You: “I understand it’s hard for you to see, and I’m glad you meant it as a joke and weren’t trying to be hurtful. What I’m telling you, though, and what I don’t want you to miss, is how it affected me. It hurt me and I don’t want to be talked to like that.”
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| Customer Reviews:
 Has nothing to do with real psychology May 29, 2007
9 out of 30 found this review helpful
I am a psychologist, and am writing this review as a good-natured warning to consumers to be informed. Certain authors pretend to be spokespersons for psychology who are actually anything but, and who (in this case) seem to actually know very little about the study of psychology. Boundaries, a bestseller, has absolutely nothing to do whatsoever at all with sound clinical practice. It is nothing but Christian evangelism and apologetics. It references no studies, and has no research or evidence to back its claims. It is simply a book that tries to use the Bible and a narrow interpretation of Christianity to advance a certain religious viewpoint. It is silly fluff that might make someone of faith feel warm and fuzzy for awhile, but is not likely to instigate any important behavioral change or substantive and meaningful improvement. If this is what you are looking for, then more power to you. But beware, if you are actually looking for what REAL psychology (the science of clinical psychology) has to say about the importance of setting boundaries in your personal, familial, and professional life, as well as evidence-based suggestions on how best to do it, then it would be best to avoid this touchy-feely, religious propaganda. All you'll find here is nebulous vacuity, such as when the authors tell us that God respects our boundaries by not doing our work for us. Such passages least allowed me to enjoy this book as unintentional high comedy. This book is irresponsible nonsense all around.
 Best "Boundaries" Follow-Up So Far! August 18, 2006
4 out of 6 found this review helpful
Many people would think by now the authors had gotten all the mileage possible from the "Boundaries" theme. After writing a best-selling book by the same title and a number of follow-ups, surely there is nothing left to cover. Cloud and Townsend here however, hit another home run by providing precious insights on how to have difficult conversations with the people around us, confronting others with the truth in Christian love. I won't go into detail with all the many positive aspects of this title -- I just realize as a pastor who has dealt with difficult people situations for over 25 years, this book is a God-send. I wish I had read it years ago.
I've read all of the "Boundaries" titles that build upon the original, and this one is the best of them. If you haven't read "Boundaries", read it then read this book. If you have read "Boundaries" then this volume is the one to read next. Obviously, I recommend it highly.
I've been looking for this book all my life. July 13, 2006
6 out of 7 found this review helpful
I've noticed that when I am around people I see often who seem to be unreasonable, aggressive, abusive, or selfish, I often withdraw emotionally. If confronting the person feels costly or risky, I sometimes stuff down my feelings or become confused about how to continue if I'm not sure the person is as committed to wanting a good relationship as I am.
I read Ch. 17 first (and that is the chapter this review is based upon) which describes the importance of confronting others and gives guidelines about when to confront and how, as well as how to think through the possible responses of the person and to be prepared for them. I filled up many pages of a notebook last night as I saw patterns in the ways I have responded in the past and choices I've made. I didn't grow up confident that I could resolve conflicts well with others who barked loudly. There usually seemed to be a winner and a loser, rather than two people who drew closer through the conflict. Since I didn't like often being the "loser" the kitchen sink was being thrown at when I broached a subject with a peer who was not "gentle, courteous, and reasonable like me", I tried to avoid conflict whenever it was sticky in some way; I only confronted others (and even myself) when there was no other alternative. As I read the chapter, I also had a more honest talk with G-d about an issue I've been putting off talking to Him about. :)It was a good talk. :)
I even saw some potential ways to caringly and helpfully confront militant Islamists! :) I am in the right place to greatly benefit from the counsel, coaching, and caring Scriptural confrontation the book models. I'm excited about getting some very valuable tools in my emotional and relational toolbox as I read and reflect on what I am learning and begin putting these new strategies into practice.
Speaking the truth in love May 19, 2005
This book is a wonderful supplement to Boundaries! For those who are involved in learning how to set and live by boundaries, Boundaries Face to Face gives practical ways of handling inevitable challenges to your newly established boundaries. As always Drs. Cloud and Townsend explain their points from a Biblical perspective and they help their readers grow by challenging us to focus our attention upon the importance of the relationships we share with Christ and others. Since relationships are so vital to the Christian life, particularly in regards to spiritual growth, this book gives exemplary examples of how to mix grace with truth in our conservations so that we can speak the truth in love even in the midst of difficult conversations.
very practical and useful June 25, 2004
32 out of 33 found this review helpful
This is a very useful, practical book on one of the most difficult areas of relationships: how to have open, productive, constructive conversations about relationship problems. The authors outline the benefits of a good confrontational conversation and then explain how to distinguish your real purpose for wanting to talk to someone, how to confront in a way that balances grace and truth, how to stay on-topic when discussing a hard issue with someone, and why and how to get ready in advance for difficult conversations. These down-to-earth practical skills, accompanied by many examples and case studies, are extremely helpful.The last section of the book has separate chapters on how to engage in difficult conversations with parents, children, people in authority, spouses, etc. The omission of a chapter on friends is the only real fault I find with the book; I think people often have difficulties dealing with friend issues and some attention to this would have been extremely useful. Overall, an excellent resource that provides encouragement and practical advice to anyone who has been putting off talking to someone about a difficult matter.
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